The Promise Ring Tradition: Teaching Our Girls to Honor Their Bodies and Choices

After Banvoa had her cycle for a year, we thought about the next step in her development — receiving a promise ring. Banvoa was abstinent for a year and as her mother, I wanted her to remain abstinent. I thought she had plenty of time to become more familiar with a young man as a mate. She needed to choose to learn more about her body. There was no rush. Even though it was not anything for me to concern myself with, Banvoa had already agreed to be abstinent. She made a promise to herself. Banvoa's self-esteem and worth were high, as her level of confidence revealed in agreeing to remain abstinent. We need our daughters to think with understanding about the consequences of their actions before they make a choice. This is why making a promise to herself is so important.

Mothers teaching their daughters about the biology of their bodies is a sacred tradition that helps them mature as they enter womanhood. This is why we had what I called a Promise Ring Gathering. The Promise Ring Gathering expands the young girl's awareness so she can make sound choices regarding her body. It may also assist in helping to curtail the national epidemic of teenage pregnancy by promoting abstinence as a method of birth control. The purpose of the Promise Ring Gathering is to encourage your daughter to be abstinent as a healthy choice. This is why the discussion about sexuality from the sacred circle at the Promise Ring Gathering is so vital. Everyone in the sacred circle has something to share to encourage the beautiful flower to keep her body sacred. Banvoa received plenty of books about the body from her sacred circle to read and expand her knowledge.

As a mother, I bought Banvoa a pink lotus ring as her promise ring — a constant reminder that her body is sacred. "The pink lotus is the supreme lotus and is considered sacred." It is a beautiful promise ring. Seventeen years later, Banvoa still has her promise ring. It is her keepsake reminder of how powerfully the parties had an impact on her as a developing young girl. As a woman, she still treasures her experiences. I am grateful that Banvoa was learning to honor her body rather than learning how to be a mother from an unexpected pregnancy — a choice at 13 years old she could never truly be prepared for.

It is so important for a mother to be involved in their young daughter's life. A mother is a daughter's first teacher, and it is important for the mother to have enough knowledge to guide and instruct her daughter to make sound choices. Your daughter's promise ring should be a reminder of how much knowledge her mother helped her to gather — knowledge she would carry for a lifetime. Mothers should have a special devotion to teaching their young daughters. Our daughters should be prepared by their mothers how to care for their bodies. They should learn how certain choices can lead to unwanted consequences. This is why I think the Promise Ring Gathering is so necessary.

As we are teaching our daughters about their bodies, they should also be celebrated. A mother honoring her daughter with a promise ring to make the choice to be abstinent reminds your daughter of how precious her life is and how much you care. Mothers having a Promise Ring Gathering strengthens their relationship. Daughters look to their mothers for guidance and wisdom that helps lead them on their journey in life. Their promise ring reminds the daughter that the ring is filled with gems her mother gave her to develop into a responsible young woman.

I am so glad Banvoa's father was in her life to give her the promise ring. It was more important to receive the ring from her father than from a young man — another reminder of how important abstinence is. Banvoa's first ring coming from her father, from a father whose daughter chooses to be abstinent, is something both parents can be proud of. That is the beauty of the promise ring tradition: it reminds us all of how important our role is as parents, and how deeply our daughters rely on us to face their life challenges.